The Hidden Almanac for
Friday March 27th, 2015
Episode 241
Previous episode: 2015-03-25
Next episode: 2015-03-30


Today we remember the introduction of a new treat from the Tastee Treat Company. Is is also the birthday of Lady Warthington Shemp.It is the Feast Day of St. Goad, and in the garden, there are blossoms.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is March 27th, 2015.

It was on this day in 1991 that the Tastee Treat Company introduced its Butter Fried Snails on a Stick. These large gastropods were a tasty, if rubbery, delicacy from the southern Glass Wastes, and Tastee Treat hoped to market them to a wider audience. The advertising campaign featured a happy snail carrying a stick and shouting the slogan “Molluskalicious!”

Butter Fried Snails on a Stick bombed as hard as a novelty food product can bomb. There was a brief fad to dare one’s friends to eat them, but the snails did not freeze well, reheated poorly, and approximately one in a hundred carried meningitis. Tastee Treat was investigated for malfeasance and paid out a large sum to those hospitalized as a result of snail ingestion. Stuffed toys of the happy snail became collectors items, however, and can fetch several thousand dollars at auction today.

And it was on this day in 1744 that Lady Warthington Shemp was born to the noble House of Shemp. Lady Warthington penned several prototypical self-help books, including “All is Well in the World: A Guide To Self-Improvement With Particular Attention To The Physical And Spiritual Makeup” and “Peace Beneath: A 3 Month Guide To Improving The Healthfulness Of One’s Bowels.” Her techniques relied on equal parts prayer and enemas, and were bafflingly popular with readers.

It is the Feast Day of Saint Goad, who rode a tiger into paradise. It would be lovely if we knew more about him, because anyone who can ride a tiger into paradise is undoubtedly a fascinating individual. Sadly, he is known only from murals, many now lost, from the walls of the ancient city of Nur. Even his name is derived from the name of the street that the first mural was found upon, not from anything known about his life. Whether or not he is actually a saint is questionable, but as the Pope of the time pointed out, it is never wise to argue with a man who has a tiger.

In the garden, the grape hyacinth have flushed purple, the barrenwort is blooming, and even the toothwort has tiny flower buds. This would be easier to enjoy if not for the sounds of jackhammers as the CharmX crew attempts to chisel out the concrete that was left in their borehole. George is most displeased by the racket. I hope that they finish their excavations soon, and that nothing else…untoward…happens to delay them.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by Bartleby’s Fine Chocolates. You can afford one chocolate. Do not aspire to more than one. It would be too much for your senses and your wallet. But one chocolate will be sufficient. Trust us.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for March 27th, 2015. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2015, Ursula Vernon.

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