The Hidden Almanac for
Friday April 3rd, 2015
Episode 244
Previous episode: 2015-04-01
Next episode: 2015-04-06


Today we remember the train wreck in Echo Harbor. It is also the day the fisheries association handed out another certificate. And a beer. It is the Feast Day of St. Bernard, and in the garden, there are crows.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is April 3rd, 2015.

It was on this day in the Year of Anarchy that a train passing by Echo Harbor derailed, causing several tanker cars to overturn and breach their contents. As the train was carrying large quantities of pasteurized milk, this was not dangerous, but rapidly became foul. The scent of curdled milk was described by several prominent citizens as “vile” and “worse than that time with the sardine men.”

And it was on this day that Thaddeus Mackelwhite caught a gigantic tusked sturgeon while fishing in a tributary of the Echo River. “It swallowed the hook,” said Mr. Mackelwhite, “and it took off swimming and took my boat with it. Went nearly a mile downstream before I managed to cut the line.” The Echo Harbor Fisheries Association certified that this was the largest fisherman ever caught in the river and presented the sturgeon with a small certificate and a beer.

It is the Feast Day of Saint Bernard, patron of the elderly, specifically those who are more elderly than you and nevertheless are in better shape and somewhat exasperatingly young at heart. Legend goes that St. Bernard climbed the tallest peak in the Mountain Kingdom, accompanied by young acolytes, most of whom collapsed from exhaustion, whereupon he turned back and carried them down. Bernard was eighty-seven at the time. He was canonized, because really, what else were people going to do? He vanished at the age of ninety-six, after saying “I am just going to see what is at the bottom of this bottomless ravine, and will be back in time for evening prayers.” His body was never found, and the ravine is still considered bottomless.

In the garden, the unfurling peas are over an inch tall, a small and reliable miracle. The beans are more questionable and may need to be replanted. George is clearly restless and watches the other crows that pass by the garden. A lovely female crow has occasionally come by for Cheetos, but George appears completely tongue-tied when she appears and often attempts to hide under my hat. Being from a religious order sworn to celibacy, I am sadly unable to advise him.

The CharmX people have fixed their wiring and begun running the jackhammers again. I do hope they employed predator urine this time. The packrats are numerous this time of year.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by the Echo Harbor Fisheries Association. We’ve got the best fishing in the world. Occasionally several worlds, depending on the weather. Come on by and see what you can hook!

That’s the Hidden Almanac for April 3rd, 2015. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2015, Ursula Vernon.

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