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The Hidden Almanac for
Friday April 24th, 2015
Episode 247
HAalbumart-podcast
Previous episode: 2015-04-08
Next episode: 2015-04-27

SummaryEdit

We have returned from team-building. It was awful. Today marks the closing of the landbridge for an extended period. It is also the day “The Moral Lesson of Eddie the Bullfrog” debuted. It is the Feast Day of St. Jonathon, and in the garden, all is green.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.

TranscriptionEdit

Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is April 24th, 2015.

We have returned from the…teambuilding. There were no casualties, unless you count our collective dignity. There was singing.

May the Madonna of Leaves keep me from having to endure that again.

It was on this day, in the Upper Paleolithic era, that the temporary landbridge connecting our continent with the one to the southeast was blocked on account of mammoth. This persisted for three years, until the road crews learned to domesticate mammoths, whereupon the blockage was cleared and the great human migration could continue.

And it was on this day in 1901 that the serialized novel “The Moral Lesson of Eddie the Bullfrog” debuted in the City Post. It updated weekly for two years, detailing the adventures of a con artist named Eddie and his sickeningly sweet niece Cleolinda, who set about saving Eddie’s soul. The author of the serial passed away unexpectedly shortly before the conclusion of the novel, and the work remained permanently unfinished. Various authors have tried to complete it over the years, and Eddie and Cleolinda have suffered fates as varied as redemption, murder-suicide, and alien abduction. However, the author (who had worked only on condition of anonymity) had left no notes as to their intentions, and the true ending of the Moral Lesson went to grave with them.

It is the Feast Day of Saint Jonathon the Illuminator, who painted many fantastical beasts in the corners of manuscripts. He was almost excommunicated after portraying the Lobster Pope as a rabid fox, but managed to convince his superiors that it was actually a metaphor for strong drink. He was later canonized and became the patron of those seeking to produce compelling artist statements with minimal preparation.

In the garden, all is glory. I am deeply saddened to have missed the flowering of the golden alexanders, but fortunately have not missed the midnight sage, which is just beginning to flush purple. Meanwhile, the peas are not doing as well as one could wish, and are rapidly being overtaken by the beans. One begins to fear that spring is going the way of all flesh, and soon winter will pass directly into summer without stopping in between. This only serves to highlight the importance of not leaving the garden for ridiculous teambuilding exercises during the growing season.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by Lorraine’s Grounded Treehouses! Have you always wanted to live in a tree, but were afraid of falling out? That was very sensible. Our tree houses start at six inches above the ground and include handrails, to avoid mishaps. Come climb a tree — safely — with us today!

That’s the Hidden Almanac for April 24th, 2015. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.

OutroEdit

Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2015, Ursula Vernon.

Notes Edit

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