The Hidden Almanac for
Monday May 11th, 2015
Episode 254
Previous episode: 2015-05-08
Next episode: 2015-05-13


Today we celebrate the discovery of the Screaming Squid. It is the Feast Day of the Butter Saint, and in the garden, there may be grapes.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is May 11th, 2015.

It was on this day that the naturalist Eland the Younger first described the Screaming Squid, a rare freshwater cephalopod found only in Lake Hannachobee. Screaming Squid are not actually squid, but nearly shell-less members of the nautilis family. They propel themselves along near the surface by jetting water vigorously. If part of the squid is above water, thin holes in the surface of the vestigial shell make a loud whistling sound. There are numerous legends of banshees, drowned souls, and other loudly shrieking spirits in the vicinity of Lake Hannachobee, most of which are probably the result of the squid.

It is the Feast Day of the Butter Saint. This effigy, carved in solid butter, is actually created closer to midwinter than to spring, but its feast is not celebrated until the last of the saint has melted away. This rite is unique to the town of Paulius in the northern highlands. A pat of butter from the saint is ritually added to each churn in the town early in the year. Saint-Melt can occur at any time in late April or early May, depending on weather, but over time has come to be celebrated on the day after the second Sunday of May. The Butter Saint is faceless, but appears to be a robed, heavyset woman. She is usually portrayed with outstretched arms, although this can vary depending on the skill of the carver and the quality of the butter.

In the garden, the drill hole for the CharmX device has finally drained and they were just getting ready to get back to work when a tropical depression struck, bringing heavy wind and sporadic rain. It is a shame that their tarp blew away. One would have thought that it was well secured, but packrats are often oddly attracted to ropes and may gnaw through them at any time.

Meanwhile, the grapes we planted last year are growing quite enthusiastically, despite the heat and wind and the fact that the interns neglected to water them through the whole Corvus-Wrax incident. We may even get grapes this year, though there will only be one or two bunches and George deserves the first pick of them.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by Prickle-Eaze Cactus Despiner! Has spring caused you to purchase a spontaneous cactus? Afraid that hugging it will put out an eye? Prickle-Eaze has got your back!

That’s the Hidden Almanac for May 11th, 2015. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2015, Ursula Vernon.

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