The Hidden Almanac for
Friday May 22nd, 2015
Episode 259
Previous episode: 2015-05-20
Next episode: 2015-05-25


Today we remember a popular and notorious children’s book. It is the Feast Day of St. Gladstone, and in the garden, strange things are happening to the Irises.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is May 22nd, 2015.

It is the fiftieth anniversary of the publication of the children’s book “The Journey of the Lost Sock” which was beloved by many generations. It has also been banned over five thousand times, supposedly because it encouraged children to crawl into the dryer and look for a magical land beyond. “The disappointment of children when they discover that there is no land beyond the lint filter will be damaging to their development,” said a spokesman for the Parental Protection League. “There is also a small chance they could become stuck in the dryer.” Despite these efforts, The Journey of the Lost Sock remains a bestseller, alongside such classics as “The Runaway Mole” and “Goodnight, Chicken.”

It is the Feast Day of Saint Gladstone, patron of wheat germ. His martyrdom in a grain silo was exceedingly unpleasant, but many who unknowingly ate of the saint’s remains reported that it cleared up many of their chronic medical ailments. St. Gladstone is represented on the label of the Holy Whole Grain flour company and is said to watch over the bulk aisle of health food stores.

In the garden, something rather odd has happened. Well, the irises have bloomed the wrong color—purple, rather than black—but these things happen. The odd thing lies in the hole being drilled by the CharmX company. They took advantage of several dry days to pump water out of the hole, and resume drilling. (One of the interns rescued the frogs, and sustained only minor injuries doing so.)

Oddly enough, the drilling only went on for about twenty minutes, whereupon they hit a large stone slab. It appears to be at least three feet by three feet (and may be larger—only one edge has been located—and has some kind of writing on it. The writing is in an ancient language and thus it is most likely the cover to an old septic tank. The CharmX people are milling about uncertainly and calling their superiors for advice. Meanwhile, something will have to be done about the irises.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by White Wall Interior Decorators. Tired of your cluttered lifestyle? White Wall will put a coat of whitewash on everything, hang a single avant-garde painting, and put an ironically creepy flea-market doll on an end-table. You’re welcome.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for May 22nd, 2015. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2015, Ursula Vernon.

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