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The Hidden Almanac for
Monday June 1st, 2015
Episode 263
HAalbumart-podcast
Previous episode: 2015-05-29
Next episode: 2015-06-03

SummaryEdit

Today we mark the first identification of a whale song. It is the Feast Day of St. Zephranthes, and in the garden, there are unicorns.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.

TranscriptionEdit

Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is June 1st, 2015[1].

It was on this day in 1995 that the oceanographer Charlene Zahn first identified the song of the glutton whale, off the coast of Greenbriar. Glutton whales are rare baleen whales, only discovered in 1977. Zahn’s discovery allowed biologists to finally identify a recurring sound that had been appearing in recordings for decades. The glutton whale calls at approximately 52 hertz, far higher than most other whales, and so no one had connected the high-frequency sounds to a mammal. Unfortunately glutton whales are so elusive that their numbers are still unknown, and footage of them is distant, grainy, and frequently ends with the camera being swallowed.

It is the Feast Day of Saint Zephranthes, patron of rain lilies. She was due to be martyred by the barbarian Ethel Khan, but leapt from a bridge while being taken from the monastery. She drowned in the river there, and her body was never found. What was found was a patch of rain lilies, a delicate flower that only grows immediately after heavy rain. The patch was in a shape that may or may not have resembled a human body. Zephranthes is represented as a middle-aged woman holding lilies in her hands, and is entreated in times of drought.

In the garden, unicorns are entering breeding season, and you know what that means. People invent all sorts of methods to keep them away, including hanging bars of soap from trees, leaving out bags of human hair, and scattering predator urine around the place. Predator urine will at least deter groundhogs, so there’s that. There is nothing much that can be said about having bags of human hair about the place. The neighbors will wonder about you, and for once, they will have reason.

If you have unicorns, you have them, and there is not a great deal to be done about it. Call a pest removal service if you cannot live with them. They are destructive to young sprouts and can be lethal in a vegetable garden. If you do find unicorns in the garden, some people have luck interplanting the vegetables with marigolds, which unicorns find unattractive and unpalatable.

The CharmX people have been trying to flip the slab open using a long pole with a hook on the end. It is not working, but is somewhat amusing to watch.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by Next To Godliness Gospel Choir and Housecleaning Services. Have your home cleaned by a twenty-seven member gospel choir! We will bring down the house, and then clean it! Our sopranos do windows! Book the Next to Godliness Gospel Choir today!

That’s the Hidden Almanac for June 1st, 2015[2]. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.

OutroEdit

Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2015, Ursula Vernon.

Notes Edit

  1. Script says June 6th while Rev. Mord says June 1st. It's likely that the Reverend corrected the error later.
  2. Same as above

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