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The Hidden Almanac for
Wednesday June 10th, 2015
Episode 267
HAalbumart-podcast
Previous episode: 2015-06-08
Next episode: 2015-06-12

SummaryEdit

Today we remember and emotional day in Echo Harbor. It is also the day Zanna McIntosh made some wild claims. It is the Feast Day of Roses, and in the garden, the narcissus are ruined.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.

TranscriptionEdit

Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is June 10th, 2015.

It was on this day in the Year of Gallows that everyone in Echo Harbor was very, very angry. Outsiders reported feeling a bit unsettled. “I mean, they didn’t say anything, but it was like the air was vibrating around them,” said one tourist. “I think I’m going to Troyzantium next year.” Several prominent citizens said, between clenched teeth, that everything was FINE, just FINE, thank you for ASKING.

And it was on this day in 2002 that the cryptozoologist Zanna McIntosh put forward the theory that the Black Beast was actually a spider monkey that had escaped from the zoo. This theory was met with intense derision. She doubled down on it by stating that the Squigginox was probably just a land squid who had migrated in the wrong direction and suggested that the plesiosaur from the early part of the century was most likely a sea cow. McIntosh’s book “Everything Cool Is Actually Boring” sold very few copies and was rapidly remaindered.

It is the Feast Day of Roses. There is a sweet scent in the air today, but beware the thorns of evening.

In the garden, the CharmX folk have finally succeeded in opening the ancient slab, after Intern Steve showed them how to use a trailer hitch. They have yanked the slab loose, which caused a horrible shrieking, like the torment of a thousand damned souls, and dropped it on a bed of narcissus.

The opening has a staircase in it, leading into pitch blackness. One of the CharmX people pointed out that the chisel marks indicate that it was carved from beneath. However, the chisel marks on the surface of stone such as this only indicate the direction in which the surface treatment was carved. As most people prefer to work upward rather than hunched over at a ridiculous angle, it is a profoundly useless observation. I did not tell them this, because I am still upset over the narcissus. They are gathered around it now muttering to each other in superstition awe. People are idiots. There is a reason that I prefer plants.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by Elwood’s Pickle Breeders. The cucumbers are flowering. Soon, the finest cucumbers will be bred to produce championship pickles. Contact Elwood to take home a show-pickle today!

That’s the Hidden Almanac for June 10th, 2015. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.

OutroEdit

Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2015, Ursula Vernon.

Notes Edit

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