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The Hidden Almanac for
Monday June 15th, 2015
Episode 269
HAalbumart-podcast
Previous episode: 2015-06-12
Next episode: 2015-06-17

SummaryEdit

Today we remember the horrors unleashed when fortunes started coming true. It is the Feast Day of St. William, and in the garden, there is heat.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.

TranscriptionEdit

Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is June 15th, 2015.

It was on this day in 1988 that a fortune cookie factory in the industrial quarter began churning out fortunes that actually came true. This led to a great number of innocent people finding love with a tall, handsome stranger while many others profited from a new business opportunity. The most dangerous fortunes, however, were the platitudes. In a twenty mile radius around the factory, the world shifted so that a light heart carried one through all troubles, courtesy became contagious, human beings had unlimited potential, and he who expected nothing was never disappointed.

This was sufficiently terrible to live through that the authorities became involved. The factory was shut down and the author of the fortunes placed under house arrest. Unfortunately writing utensils were not removed from his home, and a tall handsome stranger came and liberated the author the next day. Their whereabouts are unknown.

It is the Feast Day of Saint William, patron of naturalists and those who go to the ends of the earth to catalog obscure species. He is represented as a youth with the head of a bird of paradise. He was canonized by the Shepherd Pope, who said “Blessed are those who further our knowledge of the beauty of creation.” The Shepherd Pope funded several expeditions into such regions as the Glass Wastes, the Mountain Kingdom, and some of the more accessible jungles.

In the garden, the CharmX people are quite useless, so the interns have formed a human chain and are trying to locate the missing worker. We all know that something dreadful has happened to him, but far be it from me to interfere in sincere, if stupid compassion. They are at least roped together and Intern Steve has taken the flamethrower we use on weeds. George the crow is cawing warnings from the porch, but of course the humans are not listening. Humans never listen.

Meanwhile, a heatwave has descended, and we are making due with soaker hoses. Everything is wilting. The Black-and-Blue sage is particularly tragic looking, since it was so large beforehand. It resembles a rather sad green coatrack. There is not much to be done about summer, other than to plant yuccas.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by the Steve Memorial Used Car Lot. Celebrating the love of automotive bargains that Steve felt in life, while hopefully avoiding the mistakes that led to Steve’s horrific death.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for June 15th, 2015. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.

OutroEdit

Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2015, Ursula Vernon.

Notes Edit

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