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The Hidden Almanac for
Monday June 29th, 2015
Episode 275
HAalbumart-podcast
Previous episode: 2015-06-26
Next episode: 2015-07-01

SummaryEdit

Today we remember two staff members who descended into a pit. It is the Feat Day of St. Trent, and in the garden, there is a tarp.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.

TranscriptionEdit

Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is June 29th, 2015.

It was on this day in 2015 that two professors from the Ravencoast School of Divinity descended a staircase into an accursed pit located on the edge of the Hidden Almanac Test Garden. They fought their way past several unpleasant beings into a large tunnel complex, and eventually took shelter in a spur tunnel.

One of the professors was a hagiographer of some renown and authority on the Madonna of Leaves. The other was the author of a dozen self-help novels, described by one critic as “apocalyptically saccharine pap.”

PD: I can hear you, you know!

RM: Indeed. Unfortunately without the interns, I do not have notes about the historical happenings on this date.

PD: I can’t believe you’re recording at a time like this.

RM: Community radio is a sacred trust, Drom.

PD: I literally just watched you tear a troglodyte’s face off with your teeth.

RM: It wasn’t a troglodyte. Troglodytes occur when mole people are exposed to unstable strontium isotopes. This looked more like a mime cultist, although a very degraded one.

PD: Eh, you know how it is…they spend too long in the dark and begin walking invisible dogs with their close relatives…After a few generations, the face paint starts to get a little thin, if you get what I’m saying.

RM: I am pleased to announce that I have no idea what you are saying.

PD: Anyway, my point is that I didn’t even know you had teeth.

RM: I will do what I must to defend the garden.

PD: To be honest, I sort of figured that under the mask you were…I dunno, I kinda had money on a sentient swarm of scarab beetles.

RM: I still might be. We may just be very good at operating teeth.

PD: Thaaaat’s not creepy at all, Mord.

RM: I, on the other hand, have never once suggested that you were a sentient swarm of beetles pretending to be a woman of a certain age.

PD: You damn well better not. I’m nowhere near a certain age!

RM: Of course not.

PD: (sigh) So, you think the degraded mime critters are going to find us?

RM: Eventually. When I have finished recording, we should attempt to follow the drag marks. Some of the interns are undoubtedly still alive.

PD: Poor devils. Well, don’t let me stop you.

RM: Thank you.

It is the Feast Day of Saint Trent of the Coriander Isles. Legend has it that he was fasting on a small atoll and grew thirsty, whereupon he struck the ground with his staff and fresh water sprang up from beneath the ground. The whereabouts of this miraculous spring are disputed today. Some scholars claim that it was a metaphor for conversion, while others say that the island exists but that the spring has been completely covered in seabird guano.

In the garden, we hope that Intern Steve is feeding George Cheetos. He has placed a tarp over the hole to prevent any passing animals from falling into the pit. The havoc if a deer were to wander down here would be considerable.

PD: Oh god! If it blundered into some of the badness down here and the mouths started opening all over and they all started singing together…You could get a full choir going on a deer. That’d be nasty.

RM: That is why there is a tarp.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by that cave cricket over there, which has recently discovered a strong commitment to radio.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for June 29th, 2015. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.

OutroEdit

Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2015, Ursula Vernon.

Notes Edit

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