The Hidden Almanac for
Wednesday July 1st, 2015
Episode 276
Previous episode: 2015-06-29
Next episode: 2015-07-03


Today a miracle occurred for a frog. It is the Feast Day of the Anointed Leopard, and in the garden, things should be blooming.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is July 1st, 2015.

At least, I assume it is. We are still underground. We have worked out way past the main infestation of degraded mime cultists. As I have been telling Drom all along—

PD: Blah blah blah

RM: --the mimes are merely servants of the greater evil. Our interns are clearly being taken to whatever has taken over the cultists.

PD: It could have just been mimes. It’s usually just mimes.

RM: Our world is a thin skin of light over a festering boil of horror, Drom. It is never just mimes.

PD: ...

Hey, Mord?

RM: Yes, Drom?

PD: Did a critic really say my books were apocalyptically saccharine pap?

RM: Yes, I am afraid he did.

PD: You know, self-help books aren’t easy to write. The only thing that ever makes people better is themselves. You just have to write the same thing about five hundred ways until you hit the one combination that convinces them it’s okay if they aren’t miserable all the damn time.

RM: I would not want to have to write them.

PD: Saccharine pap. Feh.

RM: If it is any consolation, that critic’s house fell down a week later.

PD: Did it?

RM: I believe it suffered an epic infestation of beetles.

PD: Awww.

RM: If I may?

PD: Sure, go ahead.

RM: It was on this day, approximately two hours ago, that a small toad living in a miraculously unblighted stream in an accursed pit received a gift of manna from heaven, by way of Pastor Drom.

PD: That trail mix was mostly raisins! I hate raisins.[1] And he looked hungry.

RM: It is the Feast Day of the Anointed Leopard. This does not apply to anyone who is not a member of the royal family of Troyzantium.

In the garden, the whorled tickseed should be starting to flower, and the prairie winecups, and the dwarf liatris. I would like to see them again. Preferably while in control of my mind and not as the vanguard of an invasion force warped by the badness into a screaming multi-mouthed monstrosity.

PD: Amen.

RM: The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by Scarlet Wombat Publishing’s latest self-help novel “How To Survive--And Thrive--In An Accursed Pit” by Pastor Drom. Publication date to be decided.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for July 1st, 2015. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2015, Ursula Vernon.

Notes Edit

  1. So does Ursula.

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