The Hidden Almanac for
Friday July 3rd, 2015
Episode 277
Previous episode: 2015-07-01
Next episode: 2015-07-06


Today two professors from the Ravenscoast School of Divinity continued their quest to find their interns. It is the Feast Day of St. Malik, and in the garden, we hope there is still a garden.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord. Today is July 3rd, 2015. At least, if time is still running normally.

It was on this day, that two professors from the Ravencoast School of Divinity, having travelled underground into a den of great evil—

PD: Say, Mord!

RM: (sigh) I am attempting to record, Drom.

PD: Yeah, I’ve been meaning to ask, how are you getting these shows out?

RM: There is an unsecured wi-fi access point named “Yog-Sothoth is Lord.” I am using it to upload.

PD: I don’t suppose it occurred to you to use it to call for help?

RM: Who would I call, Drom? And what would I say? “Pardon me, but I am in an underground cave system infested by blighted cultists, attempting to locate unpaid interns who I believe are being sacrificed to a new rising dark god.”

PD: Well, when you say it like, it just sounds stupid.

RM: No one will believe us, Drom. Except our colleagues, and you know what they’re like.

PD: I’ve got a niece in Echo Harbor.

RM: I’m sorry to hear that.

PD: I mean, she’d believe us.

RM: Indeed. And if she were not being turned into a moth or stuffed into the leg of a wicker man, do you think she would be able to help?

PD: ….well…she’s kind of scared of spiders. And escalators.

RM: I believe we have the situation under control, Drom. We are neither dead, nor significantly injured, and we are approaching what I believe to be the heart of the blighted area.

PD: Yeah…yeah. I wish we were back with the mime cultists.

RM: Why would you wish that?

PD: There’s good eatin’ on a mime!

RM: Drom, that would be cannibalism.

PD: No it wouldn’t! I’m not a mime! And anyway, I’m out of trail mix.

RM: I told you not to give it all to that toad.

PD: He looked sad. Anyway, is there a saint for when you’re underground looking for interns and you’re out of trail mix?

RM: Yes. It is Saint Inglorian. However, her feast day is not until fall. Today is the Feast Day of Saint Malik, patron of small bits of glass. St. Malik was martyred by being flung through a stained glass window at the nearly-finished cathedral of St. Peter. The window had to be replaced at extraordinary expense, and the builder said that if they had to replace it, they might as well get a patron saint out of it. This practice is frowned upon in modern hagiography, but those were simpler times.

PD: Maybe we should pray to St. Inglorian. Or the Madonna of Leaves.

RM: Believe me, I have been.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat — “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by Snappy Brand Trail Mix. You don’t know how much you miss it until it’s gone.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for July 3rd, 2015. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2015, Ursula Vernon.

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