The Hidden Almanac for
Friday July 10th, 2015
Episode 280
Previous episode: 2015-07-08
Next episode: 2015-07-13


Today we have a problem. It’s not a big problem. OK, it’s a really big problem. It is the Feast Day of St. Andronicus, and I have no idea what is happening in the garden.

Be Safe, and Pray for us!


Hi, everybody, I’m Pastor Drom!

Today is July…sometime in July…July-ish…

So everything is awful! I have a whole bunch of shell-shocked interns, who are in some kind of weird obedient trance, which is…useful, I guess…and then there’s…that.

RM: Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, we're Reverend Mord. Today is July 10th, 2015. It was on this day, in the Year of the Centipede Pope, that a mass uprising occurred in Troyzantium.

PD: Yeah. So, he threw himself on the pile of bodies that were kind of a god, and then all those mouths that were singing sort of made this weird sound—I don’t really have enough tongues to try to duplicate it for you—and then they all opened up again and they started talking about what feast day it was.

RM: It is the Feast Day of Saint Andronicus, Patron of Lions and lion tamers. This saint was martyred during the lion persecutions of the third century, although some hagiographers believe that he may actually be a composite derived from multiple gladiators of the era, including Titus the Spear Catcher, who slew a regional governor during one of the gladiatorial games and was pierced with over thirty spears from the attendant guards. This would explain why Saint Andronicus is represented with a spear through both him and the lion that is supposed to be martyring him. One of the finest icons of this saint is painted on the roof of the tent of the circus of Ailengham, nearly forty feet high. Another very fine example can be found among the nuns of Saint Barnaby who travel with Miss Tansybaum’s Carnival of the Peculiar. This icon of St. Andronicus is only six inches high, but is painted on a reliquary believed to contain a claw of the actual lion who did the actual martyring.

PD: So now there’s a blighted god that sounds exactly like Mord. I mean, I love the man…or sentient swarm of scarab beetles or whatever he is…but I’m not sure this is a good thing.

I’ve gotten all the interns into the tunnel and now I’m sort of hoping that Mord will just appear. Problem is that I’m not sure how long I should wait.

Anyway, The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.” God, I hope this is automated.

I hope somebody hears this. I don’t want to die down here with a bunch of interns and Mord the newly risen blight god.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for July…thingy…2015. Be safe, and pray for us all.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2015, Ursula Vernon.

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