The Hidden Almanac for
Wednesday July 15th, 2015
Episode 282
Previous episode: 2015-07-13
Next episode: 2015-07-17


It was on this day that two faculty members of the Ravencoast School of Divinity climbed stairs. It is the Feast Day of St. Rein, and in the garden, there should be sea oats.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is July 15th, 2015.

It was on this day that two professors of the Ravencoast School of Divinity, and a small group of interns, traveled through the Gug-infested tunnels to a staircase that led—one hopes—to the lands above.

PD: That's a big staircase.

RM: I believe the term is “cyclopean.”

PD: D: No one says “cyclopean” in real life, Mord.

RM: I do.

PD: (sigh) Of course you do. Anyway, wouldn’t that mean it just had one eye?

RM: No, Drom. It is a specific type of stonework that uses very large stones and no mortar. It was used by the civilization of the seafaring People of the Waves. Later civilizations believed that it must have been built by giants, and their legends referred to Cyclops as giants, hence, Cyclopean masonry. There are some very fine examples on Nork.

PD: Well, I’ve learned something today.

RM: Indeed.

PD: So how are we gonna climb it? Those steps are like eight feet high. And I’m short.

RM: There are ghasts about.

PD: Those are the zebra striped ones, right?

RM: Correct. They resembled very large unholy kangaroos. The stairs will pose no problem for them.

PD: Well, good for them. I’m glad they won’t break a sweat when they come to devour us.

RM: I believe that they could be ridden.

PD: I’m gonna go out on a limb here, Mord, but I believe they are flesh-eating monstrosities. I mean, not that some of my best friends aren’t flesh-eating monstrosities, but they generally don’t try to eat ME.

RM: We shall negotiate with their leader.

PD: Oh, goody.

RM: Meanwhile, if you are quite through…

PD: Are we going to have to stop on the giant staircase to record every time?

RM: I have only recently retrieved my mind from the Blight god. I believe it best to have to an emotional anchor.

PD: I could be your emotional anchor, Mord.

RM: No. You couldn’t.

It is the Feast Day of Broken Clocks, which is celebrated primarily at the priory of Saint Rien. All clocks are stopped for the day in honor of the miraculous escape of Rien from his tyrant oppressor. They are started again, with great ceremony, at the stroke of midnight. How exactly the stroke of midnight is determined, when there are no working clocks, is one of the holy mysteries of Saint Rien.

In the garden…well. I hope that the river oats have set their seedheads by now. River oats are an elegant grass that grows well in part shade, and terrifyingly well in full sun. It is beautiful when planted beneath thirsty trees such as juniper cedar, which will keep its more dramatic excesses in check. The seedheads bend in the wind and made a pleasing rustling sound.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by Schwartz Brand Ghast Saddles! Ride that abomination! Ride it to freedom! Ride it in comfort, thanks to the form-fitting memory foam seating on a Schwartz brand Ghast Saddle!

PD: Oh, you’re just making that up!

RM: That’s the Hidden Almanac for July 15th, 2015. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2015, Ursula Vernon.

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