The Hidden Almanac for
Wednesday July 29th, 2015
Episode 288
Previous episode: 2015-07-27
Next episode: 2015-07-31


Today we remember a slow moving yet lively fashion trend. It is the Feast Day of the Considerate Fawn, and in the garden, there are peppers.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is July 29th, 2015.

It was on this day, in the late 1700s, that there was a brief fashion in Troyzantium for live turtles in wigs. The wigs, which had achieved fantastic heights, were expanded to include live animals, but few were docile enough to make good head gear. Turtles proved slow enough to be useful, causing a run on turtles in the areas surrounding Troyzantium.

The fashion came to an abrupt end when a shipment of snapping turtles was delivered, and the famed courtesan Jisa L’Toille appeared with a wig holding three of them. The turtles were usually chilled before their appearance, to render them sluggish, but an unusually hot summer caused the turtles to emerge from their torpor. Two began mating atop Madame L’Toille’s head and the third hissed and struck at anyone who approached to help. The fashion ended at once, but amusing etchings of the turtle incident circulated for months.

It is the Feast Day of the Considerate Fawn. The fawn came to the Wandering Pope repeatedly during his wanderings, appearing at dusk, and dropped mouthfuls of sweet herbs for the pope to eat. As the pope did not have a ruminant’s digestion, he eventually simply ate the fawn. Emerging from the wilderness, he had the beast canonized, saying “It is the least that I can do, given the circumstances.” The Considerate Fawn is the patron of noble but involuntary self-sacrifice, and is stamped on the medals of at least two military orders. It is represented as a tiny spotted deer, crowned with the sun and a halo of forks pointing inward.

In the garden, the beans are on their second flush of growth. Many of the peppers are producing enormous crops, except for the few super-hot peppers, including the Troyzantine Reaper. Super hot peppers often sacrifice abundance of crop for abundance of heat, and it is rare to harvest many fruits. They also have extremely low germination rates. It is all a great deal of trouble.

We have received a note from the Royal Ornithological Society, that George’s advocate will be arriving shortly to make sure that he is well cared for. I trust that they will be pleased. Despite occasional bouts of melancholy, George is in excellent health. This is only to be expected, as he is an excellent crow.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by the Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Cucumbers. Remember, the shelters are full of unloved fruit! Adopt, don’t crop!

That’s the Hidden Almanac for July 29th, 2015. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2015, Ursula Vernon.

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