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The Hidden Almanac for
Friday August 7th, 2015
Episode 292
HAalbumart-podcast
Previous episode: 2015-08-05
Next episode: 2015-08-10

SummaryEdit

Today we recall the description of a singular fly. It is the Feast Day of Slush, and in the garden, noone is here yet.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.

TranscriptionEdit

Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is August 7th, 2015.

It was on this day that the naturalist Eland the Younger first described the Red-Footed Cannibalfly, an enormous robberfly which eats large insects. While it could broadly be considered a beneficial predator, for eating pests, the truth is that it eats everything. It is ruthless and indiscriminate, like a teenage boy at an all-you-can-eat buffet. Robberflies have even been known to attack hummingbirds. Eland’s notes on the subject include drawings of the Cannibalfly devouring a Least Shrike, smallest of the predatory songbirds, which is half the size of a hummingbird and approximately five times as fierce.

The Red-Footed Cannibalfly has a broad distribution, including the Hidden Almanac Test Garden, where we watch them warily in case they get ideas. They are also known as Bee Panthers and there is an order of priests who wear ritual garb in imitation of them, including red-dyed hands. They are very alarming and there have been rumors that they moonlight as assassins.

It is the Feast Day of Slush. On this day, the editors and the agents gather and build a bonfire of unwanted manuscripts. Those works sent to those who do not represent that genre and were not taking submissions anyway, those screeds that claim to have been written by channeling, the blockbuster movie fan-fic with the serial numbers imperfectly filed off—all must burn. “Be free!” cry the editors to the liberated words. “We tried to mail you back, but there was no return address! Rise as smoke and find your place in better books! Or at least the sorts that we represent!” The ashes of the slush are given to each of the participants in tiny jars, to be sprinkled over the threshold of their offices as purification for the year to come.

The Ancient Order of Linguists oversees several Slush Burns in the city. Contact them to find a location near you.

In the garden, we are still awaiting George’s advocate from the Royal Ornithological Society. Punctuality is apparently not their strong suit.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by the Cannibalfly Priesthood. It is slanderous to dismiss us as mere assassins. The Red-Handed Ones are far more. We could unmake all that stand before us, but we do not wish to draw attention.

…which is why they are buying an advertising slot on community radio. Indeed.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for August 7th, 2015. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.

OutroEdit

Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2015, Ursula Vernon.

Notes Edit

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