The Hidden Almanac for
Wednesday August 12th, 2015
Episode 294
Previous episode: 2015-08-10
Next episode: 2015-08-14


Today we remember the hero of the second Clean ‘n Pure soap flood. It is the Feast Day of Sunspots, and in the garden, there are no chickens.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is August 12th, 2015.

It was on this day in 1827 that the Clean ‘n Pure Soap Factory suffered a tank rupture—again—mirroring an event five years earlier which flooded the factory floor and later the Autumn River with liquid hand soap. The foreman, Anya Ahmad, who had saved her workers the previous time reportedly stated “Not again. Uggh. Hold my shoes,” took down the sledgehammer that she had named “Old Faithful,” and slogged out into the knee-deep soap. She broke out the lower windows, saving yet more lives, and then, once everyone had been evacuated, turned state’s evidence about unsafe working conditions.

Authorities fined the Clean ‘n Pure Soap Factory for unsafe working conditions in the exact amount of the cost of the factory. The factory site is now a museum of science and industry. Ms. Ahmad retired to the country and died heroically at the age of 94, saving the victims of a train derailment, with the help of Old Faithful. She is an inspiration to us all.

It is the Feast Day of Sunspots. We do not acknowledge this feast day ourselves, but are mildly curious as to what, precisely, the sunspots are feasting on.

In the garden, the pink turtlehead is blooming. This plant has attractive pink flowers and is used as a host by several endangered butterflies and one endangered flightless chicken. The Chelonian Flightless Chicken has to walk to the plants, however, and none have been seen in the Test Garden. Possibly it is too far to walk. Turtlehead likes consistently moist areas and grow well underneath downspouts. They are good plants for rain gardens, although they cannot go for too long in droughts without suffering. There are two varieties, namely pink and white. Attempts at cultivars mostly play about with the leaf colors and are frankly not worth bothering with.

Meanwhile, another note has been shoved under the door by George’s ornithological advocate. This accuses us of playing loud music that could be disruptive to George’s natural behaviors.


George is, in fact, a fan of industrial metal. I have been playing it for him. Since his only known natural behavior is attempting to summon the great demon Corvus-Wrax, I feel that this is properly respectful of his people. He prefers a strong, feminine growl.

He is also unimpressed with the whole wheat Cheetos.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also sponsored by the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Cucumbers. The SPCC reminds you that the cucumber is beautiful just as Nature made it, and doesn’t require brutal slicing, brining, or quartering to improve it. Cucumbers: Perfect Just The Way They Are.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for August 12th, 2015. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2015, Ursula Vernon.

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