The Hidden Almanac for
Wednesday September 9th, 2015
Episode 306
Previous episode: 2015-09-07
Next episode: 2015-09-11


Today we discuss the impending canonization of Pastor Drom with Pastor Drom, and in the garden, there are turkeys.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is September 9th, 2015.

PD: Hi, everybody! I’m Pastor Drom!

RM: Good. You are here.

PD: I got your message. And in the future, could you not send it by scarab beetle? I woke up with three of those things on my chest carrying an envelope. It was really kinda creepy.

RM: It was effective.

PD: So is e-mail Mord. Or you could text me!

RM: I do not text.

PD: I’ve noticed. Anyway, what was so important that you had to send the beetles after me?

RM: I have received a script from the future.

PD: Oh, I saw that movie. Are you going to have to make a hideous moral choice to sacrifice someone you love in order to save humanity?

RM: ….

PD: Sorry, forgot who I was talking to. You’d push them off a bridge and go home to tea. It must be nice to be such a straightforward thinker.

RM: In the future, you will be a saint.

PD: Really? Oh, that’s so sweet! I always wanted to be a saint! I hope I’m a good one.

RM: This must be prevented, Drom.

PD: What? No! You’re just jealous. I’ll be an awesome saint. I hope I get one of the cool icons. What am I the patron of, anyway?

RM: I…don't remember.

PD: (exasperated noise) Oh, come on! Your old buddy is a saint and you don’t even bother to find out what she’s the saint of? Really, Mord?

PD: I hope it’s bunnies. I always liked bunnies. Or writing.

RM: You will be martyred.

PD: Oh -bleep- that -bleep-.

RM: Language, Drom.

PD: How am I martyred?

RM: …hideously.

PD: Oh. Dude. No. Who martyrs me? I’ll kill ‘em! They can’t get me if I martyr them first! That’s pre-emptive martyring!

RM: You are martyred by servants of the great god Corvus-Wrax.

PD: Oh, awkward.

RM: Indeed.

In the garden, we have instructed the interns to stop playing around with space and time and to get back to weeding. Stiltgrass has come up and must be pulled before it goes to seed. We can hear the turkeys gobbling behind the fence, a sound both charming and ridiculous. The pipevine swallowails have finished off the pipevine and are settling down into cocoons for the winter. It is still hot and muggy, but it is beginning to smell distantly of fall.

PD: Yes, yes, that’s all very nice, Mord. I’m going to die, apparently.

RM: As are we all.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by Scarlet Wombat Publishing’s latest self-help novel (PD: Woo): Facing Death with Grace, Dignity, and a Shotgun: The Pastor Drom story. (PD: Grace and Dignity are what I call my pistols)

That’s the Hidden Almanac for September 9th, 2015. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2015, Ursula Vernon.

Notes Edit

Ad blocker interference detected!

Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.