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The Hidden Almanac for
Monday September 28th, 2015
Episode 314
HAalbumart-podcast
Previous episode: 2015-09-25
Next episode: 2015-09-30

SummaryEdit

Today, we mourn the loss of the White Boar Whiskey Distillery. It is the Feast Day of the Frozen Saint, and in the garden, the Season of Mold has begin.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.

TranscriptionEdit

Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is September 28th, 2015.

It was on this day in 1912 that a careless worker at the White Boar Whiskey Distillery left a tin of matches lying open in his office. Mice attracted to the grains used in the process stole many of the matches for bedding, and two months later, one would carry a match in such a fashion as to strike the head against a rough edge of pipe, causing a fire that would burn the distillery to the ground.

It is the Feast Day of the Frozen Saint. Nothing is known about this individual, who was discovered frozen in a glacier above the Monastery of Saint Somniferus. Monks harvesting the late snow poppies discovered the frozen body, which was almost certainly of prehistoric origins. An excited populace began making pilgrimages to the site, and claims of miraculous healings from those who touched the ice began to spread. The body was duly canonized by the Lobster Pope, who seemed to believe that the measure of a pope lay in the number of beatifications performed. This saint was quietly struck from the ecclesiastical calendar some years ago, and a rockslide eventually buried the Frozen Saint again, though archaeologists have kept an eye on the site in case it should be revealed again.

In the garden, at last we have rain. A great deal of it, in fact. This has ushered in the Season of Mold, a well-known phenomenon that strikes this climate most years. Regular rain and high humidity combine, ensuring that nothing dries out. This includes bean pods, which rot away around the beans themselves. Sometimes, in response to moisture and decaying organic matter, the beans sprout, which leads to thin white tentacles swaying from the dying bean vines. It is all very eldritch and moderately disgusting.

The best vegetables for this climate are those harvested before the Season of Mold begins. Peppers endure, though their flavor is muted by excess water, and tomatillos are eternal. Melons are right out. Cowpeas seem to hold up fairly well, the best of which is the red Blood & Iron cowpea, which will grow in virtually any conditions. It is mealy and less than attractive, but also unkillable, making it a staple in many marginal areas.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by Tamarin Squirrel Wranglers. Got squirrels raiding your birdfeeder? Our highly trained tamarin monkeys were break your squirrels to saddle and herd those varmints on a twenty mile squirrel drive to the house of someone you dislike. Contact Tamarin today! It’s adorable, and it gets rid of them.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for September 28th, 2015. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.

OutroEdit

Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2015, Ursula Vernon.

Notes Edit

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