The Hidden Almanac for
Friday October 2nd, 2015
Episode 316
Previous episode: 2015-09-30
Next episode: 2015-10-05


Today we remember the demise of the Feather-Your-Nest Interior Décor Company. It is also the birthday of Incontinence Mather. It is the Feast Day of St. Malthus, and in the basement, there is mold.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is October 2nd, 2015.

It was on this day in 1986 that the Feather-Your-Nest Interior Décor Company released a brand of autumn-themed bath tissue as part of their Harvest Home line of goods. The tissue was cream colored and included pressed autumn flowers. Unfortunately, after the initial run, the sourcing for the flowers was handed off to the lowest bidder. Thirty-five thousand rolls were produced using ragweed and asters, which led to intense allergic reactions. Allergy suffers would blow their noses on the ragweed tissue, increasing the reaction, and those who used the tissue for its standard purposes developed hives in places where hives should not go. The Feather-Your-Nest company issued a recall.

*banging noises*

PD: (muffled) Mord! Do you have any wall anchors?

RM: …I do not.

RM: It is the birthday of Incontinence Mather, author of numerous tracts about the perils of the unseen world. He was never as popular as his brothers, perhaps because of his regrettable byline.

*drill noises*

PD: (muffled) Mord! Do you have string!?

RM: (sigh)

It is the Feast Day of Saint Malthus. St. Malthus believed that unchecked human population growth would destroy the world, and so made his mission hinge on preaching celibacy. This went about as well as one would expect, and so he died in obscurity. He is remembered today primarily because a popular brand of birth control in the 70’s featured his icon on the lid.

In the garden

PD: Okay, I don’t want to alarm you, but there’s black mold in the basement.

RM: Yes. It is named Communicator-to-Chordates. It is an ambassador of its people. It takes nearly a year for it to express a thought, so we are still in the initial pleasantries.

PD: …so no bleach, then.

RM: Not unless you wish to cause an inter-kingdom incident.

PD: Why did the mold people choose to communicate with you, Mord?

RM: If I were to speculate…excellent taste.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by Wheat Bumpies, the cereal with bumps! Now in Sugar Bumpies and Honey Lump-Nuggets!

…that does not sound appealing.

PD: (muffled) Their money spends as good as anybody’s, Mord.

RM: That’s the Hidden Almanac for October 2nd, 2015. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2015, Ursula Vernon.

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