The Hidden Almanac for
Friday October 9th, 2015
Episode 319
Previous episode: 2015-10-07
Next episode: 2015-10-12


Today we remember the first Isolationist Penguin birth in captivity. It is also the day Thaddeus Mackelwhite set another record. It is the Feast Day of Balloons, and in the garden, there are hearts-a-bursting shrubs.

Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.


Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.

Today is October 9th, 2015.

It was on this day in 1977 that the first Isolationist Penguin birth in captivity occurred at the Royal Zoological Gardens. Isolationist Penguins dislike the company of other penguins, including during breeding season, and only tireless dedication by zookeepers keeps the species viable. The first captive born penguin was named Grumpy. He had no interest in his mother, and his mother had no interest in him. He was raised by zookeepers, but did not seem particularly interested in them either. Isolationist Penguins are poor display animals, as they resent crowds, and so are usually kept in the puffin exhibit. Puffins appear not to bother them, perhaps because they do not attempt to make conversation with the penguins. Grumpy lived to be nearly thirty and sired a number of offspring, about which he had no opinion.

And it was on this day, in 1899, that Thaddeus Mackelwhite landed a very small submarine while fishing on a tributary of the Echo River. This submarine was crewed by a somewhat confused individual who had invented the device in order to research animal life underwater, and had attempted to collect Mr. Mackelwhite’s lure as a specimen. The catch was later confirmed by the Echo Fisheries Association as the largest submersible ever caught on the river. Mr. Mackelwhite received a small certificate and a beer.

It is the Feast Day of Balloons. Popping one today is bad luck. Stories of balloons that appear in crowds to lure small children away and then devour them are almost certainly the product of fevered game developers, but it is best not to take chances.

In the garden, we have received several bags of Prescription Crow Food for George. It is an unappealing shade of beige, and rather gritty. George is poking at it. He looks unimpressed. He is not alone.

The hearts-a-bursting shrubs have burst. These small red berries are inedible, but pop open to reveal bright orange seeds and purple flesh. It is quite attractive to humans, but unfortunately much more so to deer.

The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”

Also brought to you by the Cannibalfly Priesthood. We left a bug in the Crow Food. Be afraid. We can strike at any time. With bugs.

That’s the Hidden Almanac for October 9th, 2015. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.


Out of Character

The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2015, Ursula Vernon.

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