| The Hidden Almanac for Wednesday October 21st, 2015 |
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| Episode 324 |
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| Previous episode: 2015-10-19 |
| Next episode: 2015-10-23 |
Summary[]
Today we mourn the loss of several people, and one printer. It is the Feast Day of St. Alamance, and in the garden, there may be gnomes.
Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.
Transcription[]
Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.
Today is October 21st, 2015.
It was on this day in 1992 that a printer jam caused seventeen deaths and eleven injuries. No one is quite sure of how things spiraled so rapidly out of control. “He just pressed “Clean Print Heads,”” said one traumatized survivor. “Then there was only fire and screaming.” The printer in question was detained and later executed via lethal paper jam.
It is the Feast Day of Saint Alamance, an obscure saint of the late 17th century, who fled the Mountain Kingdom bearing an artifact known as the “Tongue of the Raven.” He left behind a faith that he described in writings as having “strayed from the true path, into blood and terror for the sake of terror.” Alamance took twenty followers with him and founded a new order in the hills outside Troyzantium.
Alamance is found on few ecclesiastical calendars and is believed by hagiographers to have belonged to a minor pagan cult, but achieved some small notoriety, which was conflated with canonization in later writings. His mysterious artifact is described in various places as small, large, pointy, glowing, ethereal and possible not actually an artifact at all, but a set of teachings, perhaps from an older cult of the Mountain Kingdom such as the Eaters of Salt or the Shrike Cult…
Well.
That is…interesting.
I am certain that Pastor Drom will be intrigued. Perhaps she will even get out of my basement.
In the garden, it is fine weather for planting bulbs, but I do not intend to plant any this fall, until I have determined what keeps happening to the old ones. They have been growing poorly and frequently vanishing entirely. One expects to lose a certain number to rot and insect damage, of course—though the snowdrops have taken particularly heavy casualties in recent years—but the losses are growing excessive.
It is either squirrels or rogue garden gnomes. I should set out gnome traps, but most of the ones on the market are dreadfully inhumane. There is nothing more piteous than a gnome in a glue trap.
The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”
Also brought to you by the Cannibalfly Priesthood. And there is a note. There is always a note. They have cut it out of magazine letters, which seems excessive, given that I know who it is already. It says that this will happen to me unless I mand my ways. Mend. I believe they mean mend. They have used the wrong letter. And there is an arrow pointing to a very small dot on the page, which…ah…I suspect it is a severed head of some very small insect, but I do not have a magnifying glass.
Well. That is…certainly something.
That’s the Hidden Almanac for October 21st, 2015. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.
Outro[]
Out of Character
The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, written by Ursula Vernon and performed and produced by Kevin Sonney. Our theme music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can hear more from Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2015, Ursula Vernon.