| The Hidden Almanac for Friday April 15th, 2016 |
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| Episode 400 |
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| Previous episode: 2016-04-13 |
| Next episode: 2016-04-18 |
Summary[]
Today we remember the miracle at the dog food factory. It is the Feast Day of Birdhouses, and in the garden, there are irises. Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.
Transcription[]
Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.
Today is April 15th, 2016.
It was on this day in 1986 that seventy-seven cans of dog food coming off a conveyer belt fell into a holding bin and momentarily formed a shockingly accurate likeness of the current Prime Minister. Sadly, the likeness was then eradicated by a second load of dog food cans before anyone could document (or indeed, notice) this brief but extraordinary event.
It is the Feast Day of Birdhouses. The origins of this feast day are somewhat unpleasant and seem to involve the building of wicker men, originally as a form of human sacrifice. Unfortunately, birds immediately moved into the wicker structures and began nesting, which is why most sensible cults hold their human sacrifices in autumn and winter, rather than in spring when birds are house hunting. Fortunately for the birds, they were seen as divine messengers and the cult in question did not wish to burn them, but instead took this as an omen. The sacrifices were pardoned and the cult took to building birdhouses instead.
Over time, the shapes and materials varied. The original birds were most likely some type of martin, but now birdhouses can be purchased for all manner of occupants. The terrible sacrificial rite itself is now primarily a day out for the family, with carnival games, birdwatching walks, and educational outreach about the decline in songbird populations.
In the garden, the woodland irises have bloomed. These low, elegant plants grow in dappled shade and form a carpet of sword-like foliage that is generally quite good at penetrating dense ground covers. They have no particular problems, difficulties, or trials, and once happy, grow without any of the tiresome dividing that plague more aristocratic irises. If I could grow but one iris in the garden, it would be this one. Then I would find whoever had limited me to a single iris and have words with them.
Strong words.
The golden alexanders have also flowered, and most of the vegetables had weathered the recent cold snap, though the damage to fruit trees is said to be considerable. The first of the rosebuds are beginning to crack open, revealing small slivers of color. This is enough to stir the heart of any gardener.
The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”
Also brought to you by the International House of Chickens. Duckling are now available! They aren’t chickens, but we love them anyway. Come out and pet a duckling today, before it grows into an unstoppable pooping machine with a pinchy bill!
That’s the Hidden Almanac for April 15th, 2016. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.
Outro[]
Out of character
The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is produced by Kevin Sonney. The voice of Reverend Mord is Keven Sonney. And the voice of Pastor Drom is Ursula Vernon. Our intro music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can find more by Kosta T at the Free Music Archive. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2016, Ursula Vernon.