| The Hidden Almanac for Wednesday June 1st, 2016 |
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| Episode 420 |
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| Previous episode: 2016-05-30 |
| Next episode: 2016-06-03 |
Summary[]
Today we remember the discovery of the Titan Starling. It is the Feast Day of Incompetence, and in the garden, there is yellowroot. Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.
Transcription[]
Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.
Today is June 1st, 2016.
It was on this day that the naturalist Eland the Younger first described the species known as the Titan Starling. He found a single deceased specimen, damaged by scavengers, but described its wingspan as nearly seven feet. His guess as to the species was confirmed by analysis of the feathers, which ornithologists of the era said were indeed closely related to breeding plumage of the common starling.
Beyond its mere size, the most alarming thing about the Titan Starling is that common starlings form enormous flocks. Eland reported that unfortunately, the contents of its stomach could not be easily determined, but its bill was hooked like a corvid’s, indicating that it might be an omnivore.
No living specimen was ever found. Some scientists suggest that it may have preyed upon megafauna such as mammoths, and with the decline of the giants, Titan Starlings were no longer able to live in flocks. Solitary starlings had reduced breeding capacity, and so passed from the earth. Of the feathers in museums, sadly, none are of high enough quality to extract DNA today.
It is the Feast Day of Incompetence. One regrets that this is recognized—and indeed, celebrated—at other times of the year.
In the garden, the yellowroot is eating everything. Yellowroot is a shade-loving plant, native to the region, which has bright yellow pith. It has been used as dyes by many people over the millennia. It is also very well-behaved until it isn’t. At last count, it has devoured trout lily, solomon’s seal, Jacob’s ladder, an intern, and a sizeable patch of goatsbeard. It is nowhere near the main building, which is a blessing, but I fear its enthusiasm. Attempts to trim it back are somewhat limited by the fact that this particular patch was possessed by demons some years ago. Yellowroot, for some unfortunate reason, is prone to such infestations, although it is otherwise quite pest-resistant. Unfortunately, as most gardeners know, a plant once possessed, assuming it survives, becomes exceedingly difficult to kill. Even after the demon has been cast out, exhorted, and if possible, its true name written on parchment and burned.
One is forced to use blessed shears and watch carefully to make certain that the cut stems do not glow at night. It is tiresome at this time of year, when there are so many other things to be done in the garden.
The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”
Also brought to you by the Silent Nightclub, which is still not a front for the mime cult and wishes that people would stop asking.
That’s the Hidden Almanac for June 1st, 2016. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.
Outro[]
Outro[]
Out of character
The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is produced by Kevin Sonney. The voice of Reverend Mord is Kevin Sonney. And the voice of Pastor Drom is Ursula Vernon. Our intro music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can find more by Kosta T at the Free Music Archives. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2016, Ursula Vernon.