| The Hidden Almanac for Friday June 10th, 2016 |
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| Episode 424 |
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| Previous episode: 2016-06-08 |
| Next episode: 2016-06-13 |
Summary[]
Today we remember the publication of a book about socks. And then Pr. Drom arrives to give her theory on the same subject. Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.
Transcription[]
Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.
Today is June 10th, 2016.
It was on this day in 1988 that the noted hermeticist Alexis Neville wrote his treatise “On the Vanishment of Socks” which provided an excessively lengthy theory as to where the other sock goes when it vanishes. It was eleven hundred pages long and included accounts of his ritual summoning of the creature he named The Devourer of Socks, which he claimed was a lost beast from ancient days who had once been appeased by offerings of fabrics, and which now subsisted by stealing socks from laundry.
His theories were widely lauded by the sort of gullible persons who laud that kind of things. The truth, however, is that socks vanish into washing machines because of the construction of the machines. They are frequently trapped beneath the agitator or, in older top-loading models, caught in the tub overflow space. In this case they will go out in the overflow or wrap themselves up in the pump.
The world is full of magical and inexplicable things. One should respect them, and not seek to hang every mundane mystery upon their shoulders.
D: Hi, Mord!
…Drom.
D: I heard you talking about socks!
Yes. It is the anniversary of the text “On the Vanishment of Socks” by the noted hermeticist Alexis Neville.
D: Oh, that guy. He was wrong.
Indeed.
D: Obviously socks devour each other after mating.
…what.
D: The socks! Look, one sock’s the dominant sock, right? They fight it out in the dryer and then the winner devours the loser and then it gives birth!
….and you believe that this is where more socks come from?
D: Don’t be ridiculous, Mord. Socks come from textile factories and occasionally very dedicated knitters. The socks mate and then give birth to wire coathangers.
Wire. Coathangers.
D: Obviously! Look, have YOU ever bought a wire coathanger?
I have not.
D: Neither have I! Neither has anybody! But there’s like fifty of them in the closet! Where did they come from, I ask you, if not the socks?
Where, indeed.
Now I assume that eventually if you get enough coathangers together, they assemble into a factory that makes socks. It’s the circle of life, Mord.
Do you teach this in your classes?
D: Only the upper level ones. I don’t want to blow the little darlings minds.
In the garden…in the garden…No, I fear that I have nothing to add to that.
D: See? MIND BLOWN.
That is one way to describe it.
The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company, purveyors of fine and inaccessible teas. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”
Also brought to you by Scumsucker Pool Cleaners! You want that pool clean? Our team of trained giant mutant plecostomuses is on the case! Scumsucker—when it needs to be clean!
That’s the Hidden Almanac for June 10th, 2016. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.
Outro[]
Outro[]
Out of character
The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is produced by Kevin Sonney. The voice of Reverend Mord is Kevin Sonney. And the voice of Pastor Drom is Ursula Vernon. Our intro music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can find more by Kosta T at the Free Music Archives. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2016, Ursula Vernon.