| The Hidden Almanac for Wednesday August 3rd, 2016 |
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| Episode 447 |
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| Previous episode: 2016-08-01 |
| Next episode: 2016-08-05 |
Summary[]
Today, we pay a visit to the bunker beneath the studio to prepare, as the Interns have delivered the next script early. Steps must be taken, as this has become too much.
Be Safe, and Stay Out of Trouble.
Transcription[]
Welcome to the Hidden Almanac, I’m Reverend Mord.
Today is August 3rd, 2016.
D: Hi, everybody! I’m Archon Drom!
D: Y’know Mord, when you said “We’re going!” in that portentous voice, I kinda expected we’d be going farther than the bunker in the basement. MY bunker in the basement.
In time we may. However, for the moment, there are important preparations that must be made.
D: Do these preparations involve putting the entire garden into my bedroom? Because I can’t help but notice that things have gotten kinda…leafy…in here.
D: And by ‘leafy’ I mean that the shower is full of plants and George.
Surely you did not expect me to leave George behind. He is far too excellent a crow.
D: Obviously. But I had to wash my hair in the sink. A sink that I was sharing with some kind of vine.
It is a Royal Clematis. They are difficult to come by, and dislike dry conditions.
D: Well, they seem to like my shampoo just fine. Is there some reason we’re trying to cram all these plants down here?
It is the script for the next episode. The interns delivered it.
D: Whoa, that is suspicious. Normally they don’t get it done until like, Thursday night.
Read this part.
D: Ah…let’s see…da-da-da…Fathers order a cull of the reindeer herds to prevent chronic wasting disease and blasphemy…it is the Feast Day of Good Health….oh, hmm, we should probably go jogging…okay.
D: In the garden, the figs are ripening. The Fathers, in their wisdom, have decreed that all things grow in their own season, the fig, the leaf, the vine. This is why they ban all plants grown out of season—the autumnal crocus, which holds a deadly poison; the winter aconite, among the most toxic of plants—
This is a complete falsehood. Winter aconite shares a common name with true aconite, or wolf’s bane, but is itself harmless. However, the Fathers are hardly the first to make that error.
D: Kinda think the Fathers are supposed to be all-knowing, Mord. Are you sure that winter aconite doesn’t cause, like, long-term eyeball cancer or something?
I am quite sure.
D: Right! That’s heresy. Okay, let’s see…among the most toxic of plants, and of course, the most vile of plants which flaunt the laws of nature in their winter blooming, the hellebore. ……oooh.
D: The sap of the hellbore causes burning, and the root causes vomiting and heart failure. It is the will of the fathers that this abomination be rooted out, leaf and stem, until it is found only in the barren places where no man dwells.
D: Man, sucks to be you, Mord.
They will not have my books or my hellebores, Drom.
D: I’m still not sure if this is civil disobedience or if we’re crossing over into treason.
The Hidden Almanac is brought to you by Red Wombat Tea Company. They may no longer exist, but we will honor our contract nonetheless. Red Wombat --- “We Dig Tea.”
Also brought to you by Scarlet Wombat Publishing’s Latest Pamphlet, “Incidentally, I Keep A Shotgun Under The Bed, Mord, So You Might Want To Grab It Before The Things In My Brain Notice What’s Going On.”
…I see.
That’s the Hidden Almanac for August 3rd, 2016. Be safe, and stay out of trouble.
I’m…going to go into your bedroom for a moment, Drom. To…ah…check on George.
D: Say hi for me!===Outro=== Out of character
The Hidden Almanac is a production of Dark Canvas Media, and is produced by Kevin Sonney. The voice of Reverend Mord is Kevin Sonney. And the voice of Pastor Drom is Ursula Vernon. Our intro music is Moon Valley and our exit music is Red in Black, both by Kosta T. You can find more by Kosta T at the Free Music Archives. All other content is copyright 2013 through 2016, Ursula Vernon.