October 2nd is the Feast Day of Saint Heronius. Heronius was a marauding warlord of the eleventh century, famed for the unspeakable atrocities committed upon his foes. Then one night, at the age of thirty, he had a vision of the Lord in the form of a flaming yo-yo, renounced his evil ways, and dedicated himself and his men to good works.

This lasted for about two months, whereupon the local populace, completely unable to deal with all the brigands who were trying to help them weed gardens, milk cows, and abducting little old ladies in order to help them across streets, rose up en masse and massacred the lot of 'em.

Cruelly martyred by angry little old ladies, Saint Heronius, for no reason that anyone can determine, is now the patron of young lovers and cheesemongers.

The Vision Edit

On June 5th, in the eleventh century, that Saint Heronius received his vision of the Lord in the form of a flaming yo-yo. His conversion was immediate, but his Feast Day falls instead on the anniversary of his martyrdom at the hands of a group of citizens.

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